Angry and sad

18 Sep

I am a Roman Catholic. What is going on in my church is horrendous. Years of abuse by priests and bishops has tainted it forever. The cover ups were done to avoid shame on the institution but instead the church leaders look culpable and disgraceful. I am ashamed of their actions. They perpetrated the abuse for decades just to save face and sadly to retain their power over the uninformed faithful.

In the meantime, more children were abused because the cowards did not put a stop to it. Priests and others who tried to expose the truth were ignored, threatened or punished. This not the way to run a church or any other institution.

I am still trying to process their actions and it is really hard. I do want to go to church because I have had comfort there. My local parish is vibrant and diverse and the pastor recently gave a sermon expressing his great shame and sorrow.

In recent years I have donated very little to my church. My contributions go elsewhere to causes I believe in.

I have known excellent priests and other religious and laypeople who serve my church. Throughout my life I have been mentored in my faith by them. Some of them are no longer with us but they have left a lasting impression. I am grateful I was not a victim. I cry for those who were. The church is one place where you should feel safe.

One of them said, “The church is an institution run by men, my faith is in the eternal”.



7 Sep

Sorry I got old. I didn’t mean to. I just turned around, it happened so fast.


15 Dec

Darkness comes early these winter months. As I watch all the bad news it makes me anxious and unable to go out the door. It’s just that time of the year.

The thing I hate so much is that I am living in a country that is full of unkind leaders. I feel like I should be somewhere else right now. They seem to hate the poor. Why? It’s not a sin to be poor but it’s a sin to turn your back on those who do not have a flush bank account.

I do not envy anyone who has more than I do. Let them drive their fancy cars and surround themselves with the riches, as long as they don’t trample on the rights of those who are not so flush.

Even with the little money I have, I give as much as I can afford to charities that offer help in key areas that I care about. It’s not much but I know that that little bit will help someone I may never see.

After a long time

10 Dec

Someone in Morocco forced me to write here today.  They tried to hack my WordPress.

I really don’t have much to say.  It’s Sunday and it’s very bright outside!  I know because I took a walk.  Two long blocks to church and the same two long blocks back.

And here I sit.


2 Jul


9 Aug

It’s so hard to talk about mental illness to people who have never been affected by it.  It’s like talking to anyone about pain they’ve never experienced. I am envious of those who have never been touched by it either as a personal experience or with a family member.

My son has faded away into a place where I cannot reach him.  The only thing I can do is pray and wait for the madness to succumb to the medication.  We know who he is but he is not that person now. He is angry and striking out, threatening us.  No one can reach him. He is in his own dismal reality and that is a really dark place.  

I am hoping that somehow, someone or something will get through to him and offer a solution that will work.  

Please all the angels, saints and my sweet Lord, be with your servant, James, my beloved son and save him!  Mary, put your arms around him. Be with him like you have always been with me.  He is a good person but he is so ill right now. Protect him for me, because I can’t right now.

John and Myrna

19 Feb

Fifty years ago, in August of 1965, Ken and I moved from Albuquerque, New Mexico to Seattle.  The first people we met were John and Myrna Eldredge.  We met them through John’s brother who lived in Albuquerque.  It started a beautiful friendship that endured through time.  

We were in the family building stages of our lives. I was about to deliver my first child. John and Myrna were well on their way. Myrna was a nurse and a valuable help to us in finding an Doctor.  John worked at Boeing as Ken did.  John and Myrna eventually had six kids and we had four.  We got together regularly through the years when the kids were young.  We also joined them for a monthly bridge club.  John and Myrna hosted fabulous holiday parties in their home in Redmond.  We always looked forward to those visits. Lots of kids running around, adults in the kitchen while Myrna bustled around getting the meal on the table.  

Recently we celebrated John’s 80th birthday at his home in Redmond. Where did the time go?  Our grown children and their grown children and grandchildren all together in one place.  All of us telling stories of our lives.  It had been years since we had seen some of the Eldredge kids.  The connections to each of them was instant and memorable.  Their six and our four all grown up and talking to each other.  It was a great day!

Our families have shared the joys of our lives over the years and some of the sadness that is inevitable in life.  But we have grown old and wise together.  We have sung together, prayed together and broke bread together. We may not see each other as regularly but we are connected nevertheless by our shared love of family.  

This past Monday we were all shattered to learn that John and Myrna’s beloved son, Ed, died in a tragic accident.  We are all bereft and saddened.  When I heard the news I was instantly transported 50 years ago to their home in Redmond. My firstborn, David was an infant.  I remember taking a picture of all the kids on a couch in their home. Those brand new little people, our pride and joy. We celebrated new family arrivals as the years passed. More pictures shared, bread broken, stories told. Kids growing up, graduating, getting married, having kids of their own.  And now, our family and theirs, loving and praying and saddened beyond measure with this loss.